Well... This is just for me really, but anyone else who 'happens' apon my little writtings is welcome to read and if possible, as this is my first go at this, leave a message...
I'm not even really sure how all this works, but I had heard of blogs and gotten into one that this mother had done, which I'll probably link to down the track, when I get the hang of this...
Anyway, don't come in here expecting a perfectly eddited blog, I'm horrible at spelling, punctuation and often my fingers dont corrispond with my brain so there will be many typos, so I guess to tell you what you can expect I would have to say lots of typos, no punctuation, lots of chat lingo 'as I'm a chatter from way back', and obviously some miss-spellings 'if that is even a word', Oh and lots of words that probably are'nt even words...
This blog is about THE BIG BLACK DOG. For those of you who are not familiar with him, his more common name is DEPRESSION, there will undoubtably be many forms of Depression and Mental Illness written about here, but I'm sure we will all be able to relate in some way or another...
This is just my first little hello and we'll see where we go from there...
I have mainly decided to do this coz I have so many thoughts and feelings going through my mind that I just wanted to get them down, and maybe I'll be able to put them to better use down the track...
I have basicaly had Depression of one form or another all my life, I grew up with a lot of abuse and it continued on through my adult life until I finaly about 2 yrs ago gave up on trying to please EVERYONE all the time. I am a single mum of 4 now and had to learn very quickly that all of the 4 children wont be happy all of the time, and that followed on to help me realise that this is true for everyone you meet, you can never make everyone happy so the only person you should worry about is yourself...
My most recent LABEL 'diagnosis' has only recently been put on me. "Dissociative Subtype Schizophrenia", Now we can never 100 % rely on any diagnosis, but looking into it this one seems pretty acurate, my pdoc (psychiatrist) told me that this 'Label' has not been totaly approved by all the boards that do the approving of these things, but apparently it is on the book...
I dont ever really have psychotic eppisodes but I do go into psychosis on occassion, my psychotic eppisodes that do occure are usualy something I hide alot and I dont go out and yell at ppl or go crazy, like the steriotypical psychotic eppisode, it is more internal for me, like if I feel bugs crawling all over me, noone will usualy have a clue even if they are looking me square in the eye. With my psychosis i also withdraw, I guess you could say I go into myself, I go quiet, I lose all concept of time, I mostly dont even notice ppl around me, whether I know them well or not, its like Iv gone into some internal world Iv created for myself, and someone else comes out to be with the world around us while Im hidden inside, that 'someone' is there to protect me and make things safe for me to come back out again...
Even tho DEPRESSION is really a condition of being sad, I think it is quite funny, there are many thoughts and feelings that go on inside that I'm sure we can all have a laugh at, tho there will be some serious times too, so hold on for a bumpy ride my friends, coz it goes pretty fast and you never know where the next bend is or where its going to take us....
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